What if you are not sure what you want to work on?

'I think I would like some coaching, but I am not really sure what I would work on.' It is usually said a little apologetically, as if it disqualifies the person before we have even started. As if coaching is a door you are only allowed through once you have your goals written neatly on a card.

Not knowing what you want to work on is not a reason to wait. For many people it is exactly where we begin!

Why you think you need to know

Most of us have worked with objectives, appraisals and targets. At work, nothing gets signed off without a clear outcome. So it makes sense that we assume coaching works the same way: name the goal, then get help hitting it.

But the people who arrive with a ready made goal to work on, often end up working on something completely different anyway. The goal they arrive with turns out to be standing in front of something else entirely.

What 'not sure' usually sounds like

When people tell me they do not know what they want to work on, what they describe is something like this:

• Something feels a bit off, but I cannot put my finger on it
• I am doing fine on paper so I shouldn't complain (I hear this a lot!)
• I have a feeling it is time for a change, but I have no idea what the change is.
• I am tired, and I do not know if that is the job, me, or just life right now.

Every one of those, is something I can work with. Perhaps you have just been too busy, too stretched or too used to coping and cracking on, to stop and look properly.

Coaching is a space to find the question

Coaching with me is a partnership: you bring you, I bring the questions, the perspective and the gentle push that helps you act on it. That still works when what you bring is a fog. I can listen and notice what keeps coming up when you talk.

Quite often the first useful thing is simply saying it all out loud to someone who is listening properly, without an agenda of their own. My old supervisor used to say 'remember, your clients would get value from talking to a lamp post for an hour, so just imagine what value you will bring them!'

A few prompts if you want to start on your own

If you would like to get a little clearer before speaking to anyone, grab a notepad and try these. There are no right answers, just scribble.

1. When in the last month did I feel most like myself? What was happening?
2. What drains me that I have stopped noticing because it is normal now?
3. If nothing changed for the next two years, how would I feel about that?
4. What do I find myself envying or finding inspiring in other people's lives or work?
5. Who would I be, if I knew nobody would judge me for it?

Not knowing is honest

It means you are open to finding out, and that openness is one of the most useful things you can bring to coaching.

So if the only thing holding you back is that you cannot name exactly what you want, I would gently suggest that is not a good enough reason to keep waiting. You do not need the answer to start. You just need to be curious enough to look.

If you would like to talk it through, you can book a free 30 minute call with me through the contact page. Bring the fog!