Why we dream, and why it matters

Sleep is one of the most important things we can work on if we want to feel healthier and more resilient, in body and mind. When we’re running low, everything gets harder: patience, perspective, decision making and the ability to bounce back from a bad day. If you missed it, my top ten tips for better sleep might be helpful.

So what is the purpose of dreaming?

What’s going on while we dream? Why do we forget them?

I love dreams. My husband and I are always comparing ours in the morning and trying to figure out what they meant. We ask what we might have been processing without realising, how we felt in the dream, and how we feel about it now.

According to Calm, we spend about two hours a night dreaming, yet we forget most of it. Dreams tend to fade fast once we wake, catching one either as soon as you wake, or part way through your day, feels like a surprise or a strange jolt. Scientists are still working out exactly why we dream, but one popular theory is that dreaming helps us process our emotions. After a hard day, the brain sifts through the jumble of feelings and decides what to hold on to and what to let go. It may also help sort and file the day’s memories. It makes sense to me: “sleep on it, and things might feel clearer in the morning.”

Dreams can spark ideas. Paul McCartney has said the melody for “Yesterday” came to him in a dream, and other musicians echo this.

Why am I dreaming that I'm lost at a work conference?

I have a few dreams that keep recurring. In one I’m a superhero, I can fly, I am chasing villains, saving people (I blame marvel!). In another I fall down the stairs and I am terrified but I land perfectly on my feet. The one that happens the most is the hotel one where I am lost. I'm wandering corridors and if I get in a lift, it always flies sideways and up and out, like Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. Sometimes it’s terrifying and sometimes it’s exciting.

What I find interesting is that it’s a work setting, and that I am often having fun and feeling in charge. The lost part comes on suddenely, and the soaring part feels like two sides of the same coin: my love of adventure, with the excitement and the risks that come with it.

Recurring bad dreams can be linked to stress or something unresolved, so if one keeps returning, it’s worth getting curious about it.

Do you ever know that you're dreaming?

Some dreams have a twist: you realise you’re dreaming while it’s still happening. That’s called lucid dreaming. For some people the awareness is short lived, and for others it comes with the ability to steer the dream. I find both happen to me. I can wake while still dreaming, and sometimes I can drift back into the same dream and carry on, or change what’s happening. It feels incredibly empowering and fun!

Messages from somewhere else?

Not everyone sees dreams purely as the brain tidying up. Many cultures and traditions have long treated dreams as messages, from ancestors, from spirit, or from something larger than us. Carl Jung proposed a “collective unconscious”, a shared layer of the psyche with common symbols and themes that appear in dreams across people and cultures. And plenty of people have had a dream that seemed to predict something that later happened.

There’s no scientific evidence that dreams predict the future or carry messages from the dead. But I find it interesting how often people feel a dream mattered, and in coaching, that feeling is useful whatever its source. If a dream stays with you, it’s worth asking what it’s stirring up, and what it might be pointing to for you.

Why does this matter when you lead?

Leaders make a ton of judgement calls every day, often on too little sleep. When we’re tired, we get less patient, less flexible and less able to see the bigger picture. Whatever role dreaming itself plays, most of us know that the decision that felt impossible at 10pm often looks different after a night’s rest.

Rest isn’t a reward for finishing the work - it's a very necessary part of recovery and preparation for the next day. Our dreams are one small window into what our minds are working through without us consciously thinking about it.

Try this tonight

Keep a notebook by your bed. When you wake, jot down whatever you remember, even a fragment. Then ask yourself three things:

• How did it feel? Frightened, joyful, stuck, free?
• What might it connect to? Something from your week, or something you’ve been avoiding?
• What might it be asking of me?

Just notice what comes up. Over a week or two, patterns often appear.

Something to take away

Nobody can tell you for certain what your own dreams mean, and the science is still developing. But the link between rest, emotional processing and coping is hard to ignore.

What have you been dreaming about lately that might need a bit more space to be explored? Get in touch if you want to have a no strings chat about that!

Note: If you experience regular nightmares that are distressing, it might be worth talking to your GP or a therapist. Sources: Calm, “Why do we dream? How dreams work and their purpose” (calm.com/blog/why-do-we-dream) and “How to lucid dream: 7 techniques to control your dreams” (calm.com/blog/how-to-lucid-dream).